For years growing up I never and I mean NEVER wanted children. I wanted to be just like my great Aunty Amy and her husband in a loving happy relationship without a care in the world, a home, jobs, friends, money but most definitely not children.
I don't even really like children, I mean, they completely change your life, they use up all your money and well they are just annoying, and messy, and dirty and loud... I could go on listing the reasons why I don't want children.
And then it gets you wondering, should I have children? Why don't I want children? Am I selfish not yet wanting children? Am I normal not yet having a maternal instinct in my body?
Before long the years have flown by and I suddenly find myself the other side of 30, still childless and watching all my close friends and family starting their families and like a bullet to the head it then hit me. Holding onto my brand new nephew staring at him, feeding him and getting a warm fuzzy feeling inside it hit me that maybe just maybe was I finally now ready? I could have been drunk, this was over the Christmas festive period.
In the summer after reaching my 31st birthday I had already decided that I should think about having children before it might be too late and made the decision to stop taking my contraception. This wasn't completely a decision that I had made on my own and wasn't something that I had kept a secret from my partner but I knew that he, and even we weren't yet ready.
But it was the next step and although the permanent contraception was no longer we weren't activelt trying to concieve.
This was actually all rather exhilarating as it felt like we were teenagers again and felt like something slightly naughty compared to the usual regular safe sex.
As the months went by we discussed things more and more and we discussed baby names and finances and both became a lot more comfortable with the idea that this was definitely something that we really wanted to move ahead with.
As the months went on we were sleeping together without 'doing the do' and although In my head this was the next step by having unprotected sex I knew that my partner still wasn't ready and we discussed things further. It's a huge life changing decision and we both need to be ready.
Then as the new year began, we were having sex one morning and my other half completed the deed! I looked into his eyes and we carried on as if nothing happened. I knew my dates and I knew that nothing could happen but I also knew that by him doing this he must now be ready. A few days passed after sleeping together before we spoke about it and in an odd bumbling British way, we spoke about it. For a man that is nearly 40 years old him admitting to himself that we are now 'Trying for a baby' was a huge step.
So there we are, it's official, WE ARE TRYING FOR A BABY.
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